"He's just not that into you!"

Throughout life, we women may or may not have been fortunate enough to hear this phrase: “He’s just not that into you.” But what does it really mean? Well, for starters, I could rattle off a million reasons why a guy may not be interested, but let’s start with the basics.

Men are simple creatures—sometimes even TOO simple. The good news is that with simplicity comes predictability—things are usually always the same and never changing. One telltale sign that a man might not be that into you is his responsiveness. From my experience, if it takes him 40 days and 40 nights to respond—okay, maybe more like 10 hours plus—he’s probably just not that into you. Unless he’s a fisherman or working on an offshore oil rig, but even then men in prison.. locked away still find ways to cultivate relationships (and NO you should not date a man in jail). So what gives with Brad the investment banker, who abuses Adderall and douses his receding hairline with Rogaine the excuse on why he’s not texting you back?

Now, if you’re reading this and thinking I come off a bit pessimistic or jaded—well, you’re damn right I am! But for good reason. I’ve dated all over New York City, from east to west, so you don’t have to. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about!

Next point: we often convince ourselves that a man who is genuinely interested can get away with little to no communication when he’s not around because, hey—when he is back in your face, he’s the perfect man. Affectionate, charming, alluring, sexy—you know all the buzzwords. But don’t let it fool you. One thing men love more than Rogaine, sports, and alcohol is intimacy without commitment!

Let’s unpack this a bit. What do I mean by “intimacy without commitment”? It’s the phenomenon where a guy wants all the physical closeness—the stolen kisses in the late hours, the couch cuddles during a movie, and the passionate moments under the stars—but he keeps a distance when it comes to actual relationship responsibilities.

You see, intimacy feels good. It’s exciting, it’s thrilling, and in the heat of the moment, it can be so easy to convince ourselves that a man who’s all in during those intimate, cozy moments might just be ready for a committed relationship. Spoiler alert: often, he’s not.

This guy enjoys the perks of being close without the ties that bind—like acknowledging your birthday or introducing you as his girlfriend. He thinks, “Why bother with labels when I can have my cake and eat it too?” And who can blame him? The physical connection might be strong, but without emotional investment, it’s like a beautiful house built on sand—eventually, it’s going to crumble.

Think about it: if he’s all about those steamy late-night encounters but disappears when it’s time to meet your friends or have a serious conversation, it’s a classic case of intimacy without commitment. Think of it as his version of a buffet—he’s sampling everything, but he never sits down for a full meal with you.

And lastly let’s not forget: if he constantly seems to be “busy.” Listen, we all have lives, but if he’s always “too busy” to grab a coffee or only available at the last minute, it’s a red flag. We all know how miraculous it is when a man suddenly finds a free hour in his schedule—it’s like spotting a unicorn or a good Manolo Blahnik sample sale! If he truly wanted to see you, he would clear some space amidst his busy life to make it happen.


About two years ago, I covered this exact topic on my podcast, and you all know exactly what I’m talking about. Ladies, the signs are there, glowing like neon lights. So the next time you find yourself waiting by your phone, remember that the right man will make an effort to reach out, not leave you hanging.

In the end, it’s not about playing games; it’s about recognizing your worth and understanding that you deserve someone who values your time and attention just as much as you do. So, let’s raise a glass to the simplicity of men and the clarity it brings to our dating lives. Cheers to finding someone who’s truly into you!

After all, love shouldn’t feel like a scavenger hunt, because the only time I’m doing any digging in the bin is if I happen to spot a designer clothing sale!